just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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