You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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