Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize