Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
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