my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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