i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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