The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize