if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
