So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
