i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
