The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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