The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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