Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
