Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
