Plan B is the new Plan A
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm always down for nudity.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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