I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Every concussion has its silver lining
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
