Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
