Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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