I think I won the penis lottery.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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