she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If I die, sorry about rent.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
