my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
