He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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