my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
