the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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