i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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