I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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