who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
So squirting runs in the family.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
