is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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