and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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