ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
im holly from the hills drunk
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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