It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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