just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
