I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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