Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm passing your future prison.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
