Welp...herpes.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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