My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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