after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
