Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
