Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
