Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
my being single is dangerous.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
NoShamevember. You game?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
