a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
