Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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