Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
