Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
