I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
