It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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