Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I want to be your penis for a week.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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