you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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