i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
