I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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