soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Is it penis luge time yet?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
