I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
