i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
