Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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