Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
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But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
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I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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