He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
