All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
