Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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