He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
