I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
tell your sister to shave her snatch
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Randomize
