We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
