please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
