id be glad to
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
