I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
