Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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