just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
