they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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