What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
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